Pathetic

[algeh]

Somehow, I don't think I'm going to grad school.

I seem to have not bothered to take the GRE, and every time I look at some school's requirements for their CS doctorate program, I don't even come close. I took the bare minimum of CS courses for my school since I'm a double major, and probably the wrong ones on top of that. I suck.

I don't want to take the GRE. I always feel horrible in environments like that. When I don't feel trusted, I go all to pieces. Also, they put a little star by your score if you have any disability accommodations. I don't want the schools I'm applying to to know I'm disabled, because I'm pretty damn sure it'll make me less likely to be admitted. A lot of CS people are biased like that, at least in my experience. I fought with my advisor over a year and a half before he believed I was anything but lazy and stupid, and that was in person. It'd look much worse on paper. If I take the test without the accommodations, I'll do worse, and then I won't get into grad school anyway. Plus, I really don't want the GRE people to get any of my money, because I don't think it's right that they've put me in this situation in the first place. Plus, I hate rigid, trustless environments in the first place. I think they're extremely unhealthy.

I don't know what to do. The more I look at grad schools, the more I realize how hopelessly underqualified I am. The classes I've taken I've done pretty well in, but there are whole areas I didn't even take a class in. I hate forms. I hate rules. I hate applications. I hate standardization. Grr.

I don't know what to do.

Comments

[diantha.livejournal.com]

Don't stress so much, it will be ok. CS schools are looking for grad students, believe me- especially american ones. There will be openings because less students are going to be able to come in the country becase of the whole terrorist thing. Just take the GRE, and don't worry too much about how well you do, and do the apps. The worst that can happen is that you don't get in- and that's no worse than what happens if you don't apply. And that won't happen! You can ask Jeff or Jens for more advice, but I say just grit your teeth and do it. Best of luck.

[clipdude.livejournal.com]

Whatever you decided to do, my love, I will still love you.

typo

[clipdude.livejournal.com]

I meant "decide," not "decided."